Resources
 

This is the book I have most often recommended to couples and those who truly desire to understand their relationship at depth, rather than just try to "fix things" for daily living. It is not a book for everyone, since Welwood delves deeply into the underlying dynamics of relationships and how they have the potential to be a profound source for personal growth. He also presents relationships as an avenue to greater spiritual awareness and growth; and this ultimately becomes a primary message of the book. However, even a reader not inspired by the spiritual element could greatly benefit from the ideas Welwood offers for understanding of our relationships and how the inevitable conflicts, and our reactions to them, can enhance or interfere with intimacy.

Yes, this is a "sex guide"; but in the sense that it provides step by step guidance for couples to have genuine and candid conversations about their sexual relationship. Despite the somewhat humorous nature of her name related to her area of expertise, Patricia Love is a nationally renowned speaker and workshop presenter. I've had the opportunity to attend her seminars on a few occasions when she's come to Asheville and have found her to be insightful and willing to question the conventions that often hinder relationships, while offering practical alternatives. I encourage looking into her other books as well.

This book is likely to be more relevant to couple who have been together for some time. Some readers have complained that it is not well written and that Schnarch can be a bit crude in his use of sexual terms. However, he has much to offer couple who seek closer and more intimate experience with each other. He does focus upon how unaddressed emotional patterns may be reflected in their sexual connection. Ironically, he also addresses how  the sexual dynamics between committed partners can actually interfere with their true intimacy. This book has tremendous potential for couples wanting to take an honest look at their relationship. This book is somewhat lengthy and can be a bit "intense", but is written with the intent of assisting couple to have a deeper and more genuine connection both emotionally and sexually.

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I have been recommending this book to parents since it came out way back in 1991, because it remains one of the best written books to help parents grasp the underlying principles of effective child rearing and discipline. Dreikurs uses many everyday examples of children's "problem" behaviors and parent's responses to help illustrate the principles and concepts. Of course, a nearly 20 year old book will seem dated at times and there are a few minor areas where more recent research challenges a few of his positions. But the fundamentals on what contributes to well behaved and emotionally healthy children hasn't changed over time and this book is a good basis for those issues. It should also be noted that he tends to focus on situations involving school aged children. While the principles are still relevant to adolescents, some of the methods need modification to compensate for their developmental state and increased independence.

This is a very up to date book addressing how the increased affluence in our society is contributing to children growing up unprepared for adulthood. Although the title is accurate for the content, I fear it may put off some parents from reading it for fear that they will be blamed. That would be unfortunate, because Fogarty clearly recognizes that most parents are acting from love and with the best of intentions. I recently attended a workshop featuring Fogarty and I was on the edge of my seat the full 6 hours as he marvelously pulled together factors that explained changes that I'd been observing in my work with children over 3 decades. As a further endorsement, I passed this on to a colleague who is a Doctoral Psychologist and also a mother of a 5 and 8 year olds. She mentioned recently she's now re-read it 3 times, to keep refreshing herself not only on what to do - but more importantly, WHY it is so important she do it for her children. Buy this book from the author: Click Here

This book is now 15 years old, but it was the first to truly delve into the emotional experience of toddler-hood. Most of us can recall the feelings of being a teen, but it's hard to put ourselves into the shoes of the toddler's experience. This book helps to do that. It is written in a rather "academic style", but if that doesn't put you off there is much to be gained here to help parents better understand their young children who do not yet have the words to explain their inner experience or actions. 

There are several books available for parents of strong willed children. Some children have a temperament of independence, willfulness, and lots of determination. This can create great challenges to their parents and can also easily be interpreted as simple defiance. The reason I appreciate this book is Tobias assists parents with understanding how their child is thinking and experiencing life, rather than just providing strategies to "get them to behave". By seeking to align with the child's natural temperament and nudge or persuade them into "appropriate" behavior, the positive qualities of willfulness are redirected; rather than just  "overcome". As difficult as they may be at times in childhood, these same traits can be wonderful assets and strengths for a child in later life if they are expressed in a positive or productive manner.

There are now several books addressing the special issues of raising sons. I don't know if Gurian's is the "best", but he offers thoughtful insight on how our society in recent times has tended to condemn boys for behavior that is a natural part of their biological and neurological make up. He certainly in not condoning letting boys run wild, but does address a cultural absence of direction to help boys channel these traits. He offers suggestions for parents and others dealing with boys for assisting in the healthy personal and social development of boys, but without trying to negate their "hardwired" characteristics.

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Noel has a website dedicated to issues faced by midlife men (35-70) where you will find numerous articles, links, opinions, and shared experiences. Noel also offers a free bi-weekly newsletter sent by email. It is a quick read and nearly always serves to provoke some new idea or thought for me. Both the newsletter and website do include "invitations" to explore Noel's various endeavors for generating additional income; but he doesn't push them in front of the very valuable information offered and I have never received any spam that I would attribute to being on his mailing list. January 2009 update: Unfortunately, Noel has announced his retirement from producing his wonderful newsletter and updating his site. However, his site will remain available and is still a great resource for men seeking guidance in midlife.

This is another midlife issues site targeted for men, although developed and run by a woman. You'll find an abundance of well written articles pulled together here addressing midlife and men's' issues. And there are enough links to other relevant sites keep you busy for a solid weekend.

A wide ranging site for women in midlife featuring a fairly active blog, articles, forums, links and more.

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also see midlife issues section

There are many fine books written about men's issues, corresponding with the Men's Movement which began in the 1990's. It is difficult to select a few as being above average, as most do a credible job of addressing the challenges faced by men and their changing role in society - and the quest an integration of living in a modern (and post feminist) culture while still having innate traits related to centuries of evolution directed towards survival.  So, with one exception I am simply listing some of authors who have written extensively on this theme and are generally held in high regard.

This book is sort of the Granddaddy of the Men's Movement and the many books that have followed, which might also be said of Robert Bly. Bly has remained a forefront figure in men's (and boy's) issues. He approaches the topics largely from a poetic and mythical framework, and provides an archetypal understanding of maleness.

John Lee's earlier writings had a direct emphasis on men's issues and challenges,  He tends to be more emotionally and process oriented, so he works also provide valuable insights into co-dependency, separating one's identity from parents, relationships, and addiction.  

John Gray came into fame with his "Men Are From Mars, Women are from Venus" theme and he has written several more books from that original perspective. He books are not so much on men's issues per se, but rather on the dynamics between the genders. Very compassionate and respectful of both men and women, his writings are useful for those seeking to have a better understanding of their companions and partners.

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